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why the world didn't end

+ what did you do in 2012 that you'd never done before?: moved in with the boat engineer, went down the big slides at water parks, dudesledboobsled, stayed up for 40 hours
+ did anyone close to you give birth?: james and andrea had elias (10/18), nancy and mike had lucy (7/3), amy and chris had gabe (9/19? or 9/20?), dan and julie had chamberlain (10/23). that's a lot of babies. i am a bad friend since i haven't meet any of them, sigh. it's crazy that there will be at least 5 more next year (katy, bob, emily, kayleen [twins!]). i can't handle everyone growing up.
+ did anyone you know get married?: cameron and alicia (6/2) and cyrus and erika (10/20), jamie and jon (5/19 or 20?)
+ did anyone close to you die?: nope thankfully.
+ what places did you visit?: colorado, vermont, maine, florida, maryland, vegas, san francisco.
+ what would you like to have in 2013 that you lacked in 2012?: time to hang out with my friends, the drive to get my shit together, a home that i am comfortable in.
+ what date from 2012 will remain etched upon your memory?: perhaps patriots day, getting brunch, going to the game and watching the marathon. aside from actual dates: vegas was awesome as were going to water parks.
+ what was your biggest achievement of the year?: saving some money, going to work, fixing my car!
+ what was your biggest failure?: standing up for myself in a professional sense, finding a place to live, getting health insurance.
+ did you suffer illness or injury?: i always seem to have a cold, but this year was not the worst.
+ what was the best thing you bought?: floral brass knuckles, tim burton shoes, sequin dress.
+ whose behavior merited celebration?: my dad is really trying to show his love, my aunts and uncles are pretty awesome, too.
+ whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?: probably everyone else in my family. brother, sister-in-law, mother, nephew, etc. etc.
+ where did most of your money go?: living, going to visit family.
+ what did you get really, really, really excited about?: vegasssssss, the jean paul gaultier exhibit, seeing becca.
+ what song[s] will always remind you of 2012?: it's a sad thing that noting really comes to mind. maybe that stupid taylor swift song about never getting back together because it was on the bnuts goodbye soundtrack. bed intruder & oh lord jesus it's a fire (which were not even from this year).

+ compared to this time last year, are you:
i. happier or sadder? it's possible i am happier, but probably i'm just managing my depression better.
ii. thinner or fatter? fatter. my pants don't fit. seems like the trend is continuing from year to year.
iii. richer or poorer? i guess richer. i still haven't paid off as much debt as i would like, but it's nice that i am not living week to week so much.

+ what do you wish you'd done more of: working on maintaining friendships that matter, exercising, reading.
+ what do you wish you'd done less of?: probably drinking again, worrying about shit that doesn't matter, staying up too late, watching tv.
+ how will you be spending the holidays?: i was in fl with the boat engineer's family.
+ how will you be spending new years?: working :(
+ did you fall in love in 2012?: didn't need to.
+ how many one night stands?: nada.
+ what was your favorite TV program?: suburgatory, once upon a time, revenge. i'm afraid to watch supernatural. welp, good to know this didn't change. in addition, i liked 666 park avenue and new girl.
+ do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?: probably.
+ do you like anyone now that you hated this time last year?: probably not.
+ what was the best book you read?: did i read a book this year? if so, i guess nothing stood out.
+ what was your greatest musical discovery?: ahhh, there was nothing and that makes me sad. i just realized that this was the year i discovered the hilarity of autotuning and making songs out of news. so thank you antoine dodson and sweet brown for that amazing, albeit a few years late, discovery. also, streight angular and their shows i consistently enjoyed while working.
+ what did you want and get?: the ability to support myself again.
+ what did you want and not get?: the feeling of moving forward with my life.
+ what was your favorite film of this year?: i saw lincoln, so i guess that's it.
+ what did you do on your birthday?: got brunch at audubon then played kickball and drank. i got some awesome sippy straw glasses. the actual day was pretty awesome, but so was going to water parks/six flags later on. i forgot how much fun it is to act like a kid.
+ what one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?: moving to a place that feels like home.
+ how would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2012?: tshirt/tank with skinny jeans tucked into boots.
+ what kept you sane?: nothing. ok, maybe the cat.
+ which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?: no one struck my fancy. jake gyllenhaal, while still cute, looks like a bum with his beard.
+ what political issue stirred you the most?: omg, what didn't. binders full of women, "legitimate rape", the woman body's way of "shutting down" pregnancy when raped, so i guess misogyny in general. racist republicans, classicism, etc, etc.
+ who did you miss?: seeing becca in sf made me realize how much i miss her, same with nigel. jess.
+ who was the best new person you met?: perhaps the crew from tr. pat, josh, john, annie, san, julia. i was also happy to get closer to katie p. i guess i knew devo last year, but it was awesome to develop a friendship.
+ tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2012: everyone is fallible. no one wants to admit to their mistakes.
+ quote a song lyric that sums up your year: i'm sure there is some eloquent song about the struggle of life that puts it better, but right now, i just feel like this: captive from the start - you can't even find the door/ yes, eternal peace awaits, but for now, you get eternal war - ted leo

this year definitely felt like i just stayed in place. despite the things that did change (moving in with boat engineer, getting the clearance to be a "bartender"), i still feel like i'm spinning my wheels. i didn't want to move where we did (with boat engineer's cousin), but i couldn't get my shit together to get a place in time, or at least not one we could afford. still haven't gotten back on track paying all my bills, or getting health insurance. it feels like all of my friendships have suffered or disappeared. i am still a flake. i still drink too much. i am still gaining weight. boat engineer still doesn't have a job, so my life feels like it's on hold in that aspect, too. i am overwhelmed by the amount of adult things i need to do. i always thought that by 30, i would be on top of the world with my life totally together and well on my way to creating a meaningful life, but i just don't feel like i have that, or am even capable of accomplishing it. and that is very disappointing.

on the positive side, this year had some awesome times to it. spring training was fun as always (despite the blow out with my sister-in-law and my brother's response), seeing the sox on patriot's day was awesome (despite their crappy season), the derby party was a lot of fun, olympic house crawl was a blast, month of celebrating 30 was a good way to deal with getting old, vegas was epic and i was glad to see some of my family in co, attending weddings in sf and baltimore made me happy, boat engineer's family is always so welcoming and it was great spending thanksgiving with them, and while christmas wasn't exactly how i wanted it, it was restful and joyous to see my family. so there were a lot of good things to appreciate this year. and the world didn't end just because the mayan calendar did, either. now, i just need to take all that and be energized to make next year even better. maybe i'll be able to make a dent in that 101 in 1001, too....

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